How to Deal with Neighbors from Hell

By Saralee Rosenberg

As a novelist, I've written about some nasty neighbors. But actually living next to them (and not being able to write them out of the story) is awful. To get some ideas on handling sticky conflicts, I posed some questions to Bob Borzotta, an expert on neighbor relations and the founder of neighborsfromhell.com.

Q. Your NFH (neighbor from hell) is a SIC (selfish inconsiderate bitch.). You could write a book about all the mean things she's done. Is retaliation ever okay?

A. Retaliation is usually the weapon of choice by the bad neighbor - a good neighbor might call police about a noisy party, then the bad neighbor retaliates by slashing the good one's tires. As long as it's within the law, some forms of retaliation may help.

If my neighbor refuses to bring in her yappy dog by 11 p.m., I may set off my car alarm at 6 a.m. - unless it's parked where it will disturb other neighbors. The idea is to send the message that there are consequences for being un-neighborly.

Q. But before the battle escalates, what's step one?

A. Step one is communication, but not by a note in the mailbox, or e-mail. You don't want the neighbor having proof that they've been "harrassed" by you. The best approach, though intimidating, is to meet face to face. Be polite, use a nice speaking voice and don't show up with the rest of the block, putting the person on the defensive. Express your concerns and ask for their understanding. It might nip things in the bud, and if it doesn't, feel free to involve authorities (though that is no guarantee either).

Q. Meet face to face? But what if the person seems really, really scary?

A. Obviously don't endanger your life, but often when there are hostilities between neighbors, they've never met, don't know each other's names. The good neighbor may only know the bad neighbor by their offending behavior and judge them based on race, religion, age, etc.

By introducing yourself, you're showing you can't be intimidated and you're making it very personal. Why would they want to alienate a nice person like yourself? I know of an instance where the good neighbor gave the bad one a gift basket, mentioned the noise problem, and that was all it took.

Q. Okay, let's say the neighbor is nice but the ten-year old son is a beast. He tramples your rosebushes, harasses your dog and threatens your kids. The mom shrugs and says boys will be boys.

A. Oh. Her. Inside that giant-SUV-driving, over-caffeinated, mentally-absent Mom of the Year is a definite Neighbor From Hell. But at the same time, "live where you belong." The suburbs and other family-friendly neighborhoods are prone to misbehaving kids, barking dogs, roving teens, and disputes over snow-shoveling to landscape-damaging water run-off. It goes with the territory so expect to be a little tolerant. Also consider that restoring civility in any dispute is a process, one that can take a lot out of the better neighbors. The key is not to let it make you ill. Be patient, be persistent, be pro-active. Over time, the bad neighbor may either compromise or decide to annoy someone else.

Q. What is it about suburbia that fosters such competitiveness and resentment among neighbors?

A. Insecurity can bloom anywhere - but a suburban neighborhood can be a prime breeding ground because the close proximity of the houses gives people an amazing view of how their neighbors live, what they drive, etc. Also, there are more opportunities to interact because of time spent outside- driveways, yards, school bus stops, etc. Very hard to hide your new, enviable BMW (not that you're trying to). Just know that the better someone gets to know you, the more likely they will judge you fairly. Neighbor disputes escalate much more quickly when the parties are strangers.

Q. What is the key to achieving lasting peace when next door neighbors are like hostile nations?

A. The only way to guarantee a resolution is if one neighbor moves away or dies, which is why I say it's better to try to manage the hostilities rather than expect to resolve them. Best way to quiet the tensions is to back off for a while. If you constantly feed the fire, it's you who gets engulfed in the flames.

Q. What's worse? Neighbors who never got along, or ones that were close, then had a falling out?

A. Neither feels good. Friends-turned-enemies make for ongoing battles because there's personal pain on both sides. But when we don't know our neighbors, we're less tolerant of their occasional disturbances. It helps to be friendly to everyone so that if a problem arises, the trigger finger isn't as quick to go off.

Q. Now that we can keep tabs on each other through the Internet, cell phones, nanny-cams, have we become a nation of Peeping Cyber Toms?

A. Good people don't suddenly change because of the advent of technology. They still abide by common decency. However, a word of caution. If you don't want your antics to be seen on You-Tube, lower the shade. Also, good behavior caught on tape isn't news. No one is going to watch you bringing over a pie to the new neighbors.

Q. Finally, what is the best way to keep your cool when all you think about is revenge?

A. My doctor once told me that the intestine is the mirror of the mind. Do you really want to have to surgically repair your digestive tract because of a neighbor dispute? If you've tried everything to overcome the hostilities, either move or turn to relaxing techniques so that you can stay on the high road. Sometimes we win by not losing our minds, our intestines, our joy in life. We win if we don't dwell on revenge.

farouk

Nutrition in the West vs. Nutrition in the East

No two areas of the world are as different as the East and the West. While many influences have crossed over from year to year, there are still many traditional ways of living that are maintained by both. Nutrition is one of them. Over the past few years, the West has learned a lot about nutrition based on the way people in the East have thrived for centuries if not longer.

In the West it’s all about doctors, specialists, nutritionists, and others in the medical field who take a more scientific and clinical approach to nutrition. The food pyramid was established in the West, with generations of children and adults following its guidelines. The fascination with fitness and celebrities make women young and old clamor to find out what the latest fad diet is. Because of the obsession with looking and feeling good well into middle age and beyond, many Westerners look for the next “it” skincare or anti-aging product. Many learn how to provide their bodies with the right nutrients, attend the gym regularly, and are devoted to pilates and yoga. So what makes the West so different from the East in its approach to nutrition and healthy living?

In the East, it’s all about treating your body as a temple. Those in the East stick tried and true to ancient dishes that are free from excess sugar, junk foods, frozen meals, and overly processed foods. Of course these goodies from the West can be found in many Eastern countries but for the average family, the meals remain unchanged for many years. The East embraces everything grown from the Earth. Japan is widely known to have some of the oldest individuals alive. It is because of their traditional and alternative approach to nutrition, dedication to nature, and knowledge of one’s body that they continue to produce so many healthy people - from childhood until the elderly years. Additionally, in the East, the general public not only respects the elderly, they celebrate them. Whereas in the West, getting older is something to be afraid of, those in the East accept the fact that the body ages and even throw festivals to celebrate their elderly members of society. How differently things would be if the West shared this outlook!

Unfortunately, for the West, everyone is on the go. With routines, schedules and activities that need to be completed, it gets hard for both young and old to maintain healthy habits. For a majority, the lack of time plays heavily into why many Westerners are obese or well in their way. With the temptation of fast food restaurants on every corner and home cooked meals becoming rare in the average household, sticking to a nutritious and healthy eating regimen is easier said than done. Instead of the necessary fruits, veggies and supplements, Westerners fall prey to starches, fats, too many carbs and greasy foods. In the East, the majority of the public still enjoys home cooked foods, prepared with natural ingredients. Tea is a staple beverage in the East, accounting for a bounty of antioxidants, flavanoids and scores of other wonderful properties. Sushi and other seafood meals are tasty, rich in omega-3 fatty acids and are free of preservatives and artificial flavors, while other countries utilize rich spices.

While the West can never become the East and vice-versa, there is a lot to be learned from the Eastern world in terms of nutrition and health. Only time will tell if the West can learn to find its roots for a healthier future the way the East has since the beginning of time.

How Did Mom Raise 4 Olympians?

The first family of taekwondo heads to Beijing, and are counting on more than just medals.
		Imagine a mother's pride watching her child compete in the Olympic games. For Ondina Lopez, four of her children are headed to Beijing and together, they will fight for gold.
	For the first time in Olympic history, four siblings will be walking in the opening ceremonies together. Jean, 34 and and the U.S. coach; Mark, 26; Steven, 29; and Diana, 24, all qualified for the Beijing games, which hasn't happened since the Tritschler brothers competed against each other in 1904 in gymnastics. For the first time also, their mom, Ondina Lopez, will be going to watch her children. It was a pact they made with her this year: If they all made it, she would go. Although her son Steven competed and won in Sydney and in Athens, Ondina was too nervous to go and stayed home in Sugarland, Texas while the rest of the family went. There's no backing out this time. We talked to Ondina about her children, her pride and what it's going to feel like to watch her children walking the opening ceremonies together. ML: What does it feel like to have four of your children going to Beijing? Ondina: It is hard for me to believe this is really happening -- but at the same time I am very thankful for all the blessings my family has received. The kids have worked so hard for this moment and I am so happy their dreams have come true. This will be such a special moment for them that they can cherish for the rest of their lives. ML: Did you ever have to push your kids to be this successful? Ondina: Their father wanted our kids to have self-confidence and have respect for their elders, so he found a martial arts school and enlisted Jean, the oldest son. Steven wanted to follow in his brother's footsteps as did Mark and Diana when the time came. In 2000, when taekwondo became an Olympic sport, the kids began began accomplishing their dreams. ML: You didn't go to watch Steven compete in the 2000 and 2004 Olympics. Why? Ondina: I felt better just staying home, saying prayers and waiting for the phone calls because I get really nervous and bite off all my fingernails. This year we are making history by the fact that four members of the same family are on the same U.S. Olympic team -- but it is history in the making in the fact that I am going. ML: Your kids are slated to win gold. What will you tell them if they don't? Ondina: The main thing I will tell them is that we love them no matter what. As long as they give their best, we will tell them to hold their heads high and be proud of their accomplishments. It hasn't been an easy road for the Lopez family. Julio and Ondina fled political oppression in Nicaragua in 1972. They settled in Upper Manhattan, where Julio found work in a clothing factory, though he was a structural engineer back home. He then took a job in New Jersey, which ended after a few months while Ondina was pregnant with Steven. Jean, the oldest, was told "You're the man of the house now." On the day Steven was born, Jean flagged down a cab to get his mom to the hospital. It's a testimony to the strength of family that this family inspires itself to be the best, train together, and single-handedly raise the profile of a niche sport. And although the kids are competitive in and out of the gym, their dedication to their sport does not outweigh their devotion to their family. When asked about his sister, Mark said, "I would rather her win than me. She's my little sister and I want to see her happy." Perhaps a family that kicks together sticks together.

After baby... don't lose that loving feeling

MANY men complain that after their children are born, the relationship dies because the wife turns her attention to the kids and leaves the man wanting. Many women are guilty - they often don't know how to juggle the needs of children and a husband. The couples who succeed have helped us with these 10 ways to sustain a relationship after childbirth.

1. Regain your attraction.
Believe it or not, men are moved by attraction, so the moment you start losing your attractiveness will be the moment he starts looking elsewhere. To avoid this pitfall, ensure that you exercise to get rid of the excess baby fat, tone your body and stay fit in the process. Exercise will get rid of some of the fatigue that you are sure to feel.

2. Set aside time for your spouse.
No matter how tedious looking after the baby is, never neglect the needs of your spouse - they can be as jealous as a two-year-old! Ensure that you spend time with him letting him know that he is just as important to you as he was before the baby came. When the child is asleep, make some adult time and spend this time together just cuddling up to each other. This is also a good time to spend bonding - you can talk, watch TV, tend to our hobbies, have sex, etc. Whatever you want to do, know that the time is literally for the both of you.

3. Change your wardrobe.
One sure way of being attractive to your spouse is to change your wardrobe and ensure that you get rid of the baggy maternity clothes you wore during pregnancy. This is also a good time to get back into your short shorts since he missed seeing you in them for so long.

4. Go out on dates.
Leave the child in the care of a trusted relative for a day out of the week or fortnight and go out together. This time is very important for bonding. Alternate if you desire - one week visit somewhere he enjoys then the next time around go someplace you enjoy. Talk about topics unrelated to the baby.

5. Do things together.
Encourage him to play an equal role in the child's life. Giving baths, changing diapers and even feeding is a form of bonding not just with the child but with each other. As he gets closer to the baby, he will also feel closer to you.

6. Do vaginal exercises.
To keep your love life burning, try the Kegel exercise which will tighten the walls of the vagina thus allowing you both to enjoy intercourse as mush as you did before childbirth. Kegel exercises consist of contracting and relaxing the muscles which form part of the pelvic floor. This results in the strengthening of the muscles of the vagina making the vagina becoming tighter over time.

7. Physical contact.
Physical contact and all that good stuff, even in front of the child(ren) in a relationship is important in keeping the intimacy alive. Kiss a lot, hug as soon as you get a chance to and sit in his lap while you find out how his day went. This adds volume to your relationship.

8. Plan ahead.
Acknowledge and appreciate all the wonderful things you'll do for each other, inspite of the fact that a child is in the picture. Acknowledge what your partner does and make suggestions as to how it could be better.

9. Be confident in yourself.
Some women may see a change in their body as a result of the new baby. Love your body for what it is and in doing so, your spouse will appreciate you as you are. Confidence goes a long way!

10. Rekindle your interest in lovemaking.
Keep the flames and passion alive by finding interesting ways of making love (this doesn't necessarily have to include intercourse), as long as it is spontaneous and can achieve the desired results.

Craziest Women’s Shoes of the Season

Designers sometimes overstep all limits of rationality when trying to create another masterpiece. As a result, fashion-conscious women beat their brains out, if they are really meant to wear lamp-like shoes and no-heel rod sandals or if it’s just a joke and provocation.

Mark Jacobs

Ones of the most extraordinary shoes of Summer 2008 are those made by Mark Jacobs. And if the shoes with imaginary heels could be worn somehow, the strange beige ones – no way.

Alessandro Dell’Acqua

As you know, the more massive the shoes, the more elegant your legs look. Well, by all appearances, Alessandro Dell’Acqua decided to demonstrate exactly this in his Spring-Summer 2008 collection. As for me, these shoes look best of all the shoes shown here. I’m only afraid of wearing them, as they look extremely dangerous.

Junko Shimada

The Japanese designer Junko Shimada’s motto is also “the more the better” – she was so generous with flowers and butterflies when creating her collection. Well, maybe, for some these shoes still look nice, but walking in them would be possible only for a real geisha.

Alexander McQueen

Alexander McQueen goes on with the geisha topic, but unlike the shoes created by Junko Shimada, which look a bit refined, these ones are just an artwork. And, as you know, art is a quite disputable topic.

Alexandre Herchcovitch

Alexandre Herchcovitch likes playing with fashion. He created a shoe collection which resembles the pictures from a good-old fairy tale.

Maison Martin Margiela

Shoes made by Maison Martin Margiela become more and more eccentric every season: starting with transparent plastic shoes and ending with the cloven ones. However, there are lots of fans (and customers) of the designer all over the world. So, there will be women who would like to wear such sh…oes.

Prada

Today every shoe fashion talk involves Prada. The creations of Miuccia surprise every season. The summer collection includes sandals and shoes which would look best on nymphs’ and fairies’ feet.

However, the shoes from Fall-Winter 2008-2009 collection of Prada look just monstrous.

Is all this created for women? Do we really want to wear this? I find almost all of these shoes disgusting and I’m sure, most of them are very uncomfortable. And what do you think?

Tips To Staying Faithful On Your Diet While Eating Out

Many of us feel that being on a diet means that we are not allowed to have any food from a restaurant. We feel that we can only eat what we have at the house. This is a misconception that many of us have and is one of the reasons why we have such a hard time staying on track. You can eat out with no problem just remember that there are still a few guidelines that you have to live by while dieting.

1. Order healthy portions

There is nothing wrong with ordering that big, juicy steak that has been smothered in barbecue sauce. Or even those mashed potatoes that are covered in butter and salt. Just remember to order a vegetable or salad on the side so that you are also eating a bit healthy.

2. Order small amounts

If you are going to a fast food restaurant order the kids meal. This will ensure you that you are eating a small meal and less calories. You will feel satisfied - but you won’t feel guilty.

3. Get the doggy bag early

Right after your meal has been delivered to you ask the waitress for a doggy bag. Put half of your meal away and save it for tomorrow’s lunch or dinner. This will ensure that you only eat half and you do not over indulge. Maybe now you can get the dessert you love with room to spare.

4. Water, water, water

I cannot stress enough how important water is on a diet. Try to order only water while you are out. You don’t want to go overboard on your calorie intake and the food that you ordered will be enough of that. If you feel like something else to drink (soda or alcohol) order only one and then go back to the water. (Remember: Drinking lots of water before the meal arrives also helps you to eat less by filling you up faster)

5. Eat slow

Eating slow will help you to digest your food better and will also fill you up slower. This means that in the long run you will eat less and feel satisfied.

Pine Nuts are an Appetite Suppressant and also Reduce Cholesterol

Pine nuts are a high protein nut that come from pinecones that grow on pine trees. The pine family of trees produce both male and female pine cones, although nuts are only found in fertilized female cones. Harvesting of the nuts can be a fairly labor-intensive task since the cones need to be heated to help dislodge the nuts. This is why pine nuts are generally more expensive than other nuts.
There are well over a hundred varieties of pine, yet less then a handful produce seeds that are useful (many are too small). The main varieties of the pine nut are the Pinus pin, a Mediterranean stone pine, Pinus edulis, a pine that grows in southwest US and Pinus cembroides, a Mexican nut pine.

The seeds themselves although they fall under the same umbrella of pine nut, are also known as piñon, pignoli and pignolia. Chinese varieties are known for their strong flavor, while European types have higher levels of protein. Their size can vary from about 1 – 5cm in length, with over a hundred seeds coming from one cone.

Pine nuts have been used for culinary purposes around the world for centuries. In ancient Greece they were thought to possess aphrodisiac qualities and preserved in honey; and Hopi and Navajo tribes have been recorded as using them as source of protein. They either ate them dried or ground the nuts into a course powder then mixed the paste with water to make porridge.

Today, pine nuts can be found in many dishes, from classic Italian pesto to Turkish rice dishes. In North Africa, they are often used in sweets and in Tunisia their taste is used to enhance the flavor of mint tea.

Along with high protein and fat levels, pine nuts are also filled with amino acids, making them a great source of nutrition. More recently oil has been extracted from the pine nuts and used as both a dietary supplement for which can help suppress the appetite (and therefore used to combat weight-loss) and for its antioxidant action.

Health Benefits of Pine Nuts

Nutrients Pignoli (European pine nuts ) and pifiions (American) are an excellent source of vitamins Bl and B3, manganese, copper, magnesium, molybdenum. They are a very good source of zinc. They are a good source of vitamin B2, vitamin E, and potassium. Pifions are a better source of vitamin B1, and pignoli a better source of iron.

Weight Loss At the University of Liverpool the School of Psychology undertook a study to find out about the effects pine nuts have on appetite. Results showed that pine nuts contain two important chemicals, endogenous cholecystokinin (CCK) and glucagon like peptide-1 (GLP-1) that once consumed, contribute to individuals feeling satiated – and not wanting to eat further. A further study in the Netherlands supports these findings, concluding that Korean pine nuts in particular, can work as ‘an appetite suppressant through an increasing effect on satiety hormones and a reduced prospective food intake’. (Korean pine nut seed oil)

Cholesterol Consumption of pine nut oil (and in some cases as much as 17g daily) has been shown to help reduce cholesterol. Further it can help combat hypertension by normalizing the lipid spectrum of blood. The Department of Agricultural Chemistry at the College of Life & Environmental Sciences at Korea University has undertaken considerable research to show that pine nut oil can help reduce cholesterol. Pine nut oil contains pinolenic acid, which affects the low-density lipoprotein (LDL) receptor activity of human hepatoma HepG2 cells. Essentially, pinolenic acid stimulates hepatic LDL uptake, which in turn lowers cholesterol levels in the body.

Heart Health Pine nuts don’t just have high levels of monounsaturated fat and arginine, they also contain high levels of magnesium and potassium, and these four ingredients can assist in preventing heart disease.

Nutrient Values of Pine Nuts per 100g
Calories 673kcal	Energy Value 2816kj	Total Fat 68.37g	Carbohydrates 13.08g	Sugars 3.59g
Dietary Fiber 3.7g	Protein 13.69g	Sodium 2mg	Zinc 6.45mg	Potassium 597mg
Iron 5.53mg	Magnesium 251mg	Copper 1.324mg	Calcium 16mg	Vitamin C 0.8mg
Vitamin E 9.33mg	Vit. B3 (Niacin) 4.387mg	Vitamin B6 0.094mg	Vit. B1 (Thiamin) 0.364mg	Vit. B2 (Riboflavin) 0.227mg

Why it's best to marry in your twenties

The trend is to get hitched later in life, but Andrew G. Marshall argues that the earlier you take the plunge, the greater your chances of a long, happy partnership

Over the past 35 years we have been waiting longer and playing the field more before settling down. According to the Office for National Statistics, men are getting married for the first time seven years later and women six years later. This means that the average man is aged 32 when he asks “Will you marry me?” and the average woman is 29 when she says “Yes”.

But is this trend towards the thirtysomething marriage making us happier and more satisfied? And when it comes to the fortysomething crunch - the most common age for divorce - who is most vulnerable: those who took the plunge early at twentysomething or the ones who waited until thirtysomething?

When couples seek my help as a marital therapist, I start by asking for the history of their relationship. People who married in their twenties often report tough times at the beginning: living with in-laws, financial problems or moving around the country as one partner climbed the career ladder. Most couples overcome these problems, but sometimes there are unfortunate knock-on effects; for example, from hurried and unsatisfactory love-making because they felt inhibited about being overheard. Also, couples who marry relatively early can grow apart, especially when one partner has been successful at work, travelled, met new people and grown in confidence while the other has been home-based.

Is the grass greener elsewhere?

However, the greatest threat to the twentysomething marriage is reaching 40 and wondering if the grass could be greener elsewhere. This is particularly dangerous when someone who married his or her first love starts fantasising about what he or she has missed. The temptation to have an affair can be overwhelming and very damaging. By contrast, the thirtysomething marriage seems to sidestep these problems. At this age people are more established in careers and can start a relationship on a firm financial footing. They have a clearer idea of who they are and what they need from a relationship. When these couples reach their forties, they are less likely to be nostalgic or curious about the single life.

Yet, when faced with fortysomething couples in crisis, I always feel more optimistic about the outcome for those who married in their twenties than those who married in their thirties. Why should this be? If you marry later, you are more likely to bring old baggage into your relationship. In some cases, I help couples to unravel the influence of someone from maybe two or three relationships back. For example, to someone who once had a suspicious partner - forever quizzing them about their movements - an innocent inquiry such as: “What time will you be back?” can sound aggressive.

A more insidious problem of marrying later is higher expectations. This is because one of the best ways of recovering from a failed relationship and starting to look again is to tell yourself: “I deserve better”, or “Next time I'll meet Mr or Miss Right”. There is nothing wrong with this strategy. But unfortunately, if the next relationship does not deliver, the bitterness becomes that bit greater and the desire for perfection that bit stronger. On many occasions, the body language of these clients seems to be saying: “I've not survived all that single crap to be treated like this.” Worse still, these resentments tend to be unspoken and unexpressed, and become hardened into a barrier.

The final issue about getting married at thirtysomething, particularly your late thirties, is the need to start a family almost immediately. Many couples have no time to get to know each other properly or put down solid roots together. If a relationship has been built on long weekend lie-ins and brunches, the demands of small children can be a shock. This sense of isolation is worse if the grandparents are correspondingly older, too, and not fit enough to help.

By contrast, the couple who married at twentysomething have a longer shared history of both good times and bad times. So when faced with a crisis in their forties, they can look back and feel a sense of pride about past problems overcome. Their body language is often more dogged, suggesting: “We're not going to let this defeat us.”

Having started their relationship with lower expectations, they are markedly more tolerant of each other's failings and more prepared to compromise. Most important of all, they have watched the other change and have knocked the rough edges off each other. Meanwhile, the couple who married in their thirties, when they felt fully formed, are less flexible and more likely to have a “take it or leave it” approach to their partner.

It's the commitment that counts

What about people who met in their twenties or thirties but did not get married until much later, or have still not tied the knot? What counts, ultimately, is making a deep and abiding commitment; this could be a joint mortgage, starting a business or having children. However, getting married does change a relationship, even if a couple have been living together for years. It creates a formal bond between two families and sends a strong message to friends, employers and the world that this is an important and valued relationship.

Although the ultimate deciding factor for the success of a relationship is the character, determination and generosity of each partner (and that is not determined by age), my advice is always to seize the day and commit. There is nothing sadder than hearing a client talk about a past partner who, with benefit of hindsight, was ideal but who he or she let slip away because “we were too young”. I used to think they were talking about a relationship from their teens, but time after time my clients were referring to their mid-twenties and regret not settling down while they could.

Although we want to believe that we will go on for ever, life has a natural rhythm and cycle. Economic and social pressures might be pushing us towards not settling until later, but the truth is that it is always easier to follow the seasons.

Andrew G. Marshall is a marital therapist and the author of I Love You But I'm Not in Love With You (Bloomsbury Publishing, £8.99)

FOR: LUCY MCDONALD

“We'd have married even earlier if we'd met in time”

I got married when I was 26 and my husband 28. It was a whirlwind romance and although my friends and family said they were delighted, they were also clearly shocked at the speed of events. There were even bets at the office where we both worked as to whether we'd last until Christmas.

That was eight years ago and - at the risk of sounding super-smug - I am pleased to report that not only are we still together but we are still happy.

Although marriage is usually part of a predictable progression within a relationship, for us to do something so ordinary seemed out-of-the-ordinary, partly because none of our friends had plans to settle down but mostly because neither had we until we met each other.

We saw marriage as the beginning of a great adventure. The first five years were spent having fun. We went backpacking, lost entire weeks in bed and in each other and, both being journalists, drank copious amounts of expense-account wine when we should have been having lunch with contacts.

We now have two beautiful daughters and a massive mortgage, and although I would be lying if I said we feel like lovestruck teenagers every day, when times get tough we draw strength not only from each other but also from the knowledge that our family is built on foundations forged entirely from love, not convenience, body-clock-related desperation or unromantic inevitability.

Our first year of marriage was probably the hardest as we learnt to adjust to the rhythm not only of each other but of married life. For example, he liked staying in bed. I rose with the lark. I liked long walks. He preferred short taxi rides. His ideal Sunday was in the pub watching football. Mine in Ikea's soft furnishing department. I liked rock music. He liked Leonard Cohen.

We are still very distinct people but we have learnt to compromise and appreciate our differences. These days I am a connoisseur of the all-day lie-in, while he loves walking. I still hate football but realise that hell is Ikea. We saw Leonard Cohen last month and both agreed it was the best concert ever.

Neither of us can really remember what life was like before we met, and without wanting to sound too tragic or irritating, I think we'd have married even earlier had we met in time.

AGAINST: LIAM PLOWMAN

“We were both still working on our identities”

I married in both my twenties and my thirties. I was 28 the first time and my wife was a fresh-faced 22. While we're talking numbers, it's probably worth mentioning that our combined emotional age was about 17. We were both carrying baggage, not from previous relationships but from childhood and adolescence, which meant that we were both still working on our identities. We weren't unusual in this respect; 21st-century Westerners enjoy a protracted adolescence, during which it can be risky to make any “commitments”.

Anyway, we had been together for two years before we blundered into marriage. Our reasons were laudable enough - love, wanting to be together, that kind of thing. What we hadn't done was to talk seriously about what we wanted from life, in terms of kids, careers, where to live, what values to hold dear and so on, probably because we didn't have a clue. About three years into the marriage it became apparent that our views on these matters were diverging. The relationship began to unravel and I was divorced by the age of 33.

After a three-year courtship I remarried last month, at 37. When Claire and I met we both had well established careers, friends, values, wants and tastes. Far from making us inflexible, part of the fun has been exploring each other's substantial worlds. I met Claire's host of interesting friends; she met both of mine. I showed Claire how to eat oysters; she taught me that some flowers are edible. I was introduced to the wonders of Cornwall; Claire quietly doubted my sexuality as I shared my love of musicals. We both had disposable income and our own flats, so our courtship was characterised by great meals out, holidays, lazy Sunday mornings...it was sophisticated, hedonistic and fun.

Not in a way that left us unprepared for toil and practicality, though. We had our first child a year ago and our life is unrecognisable from that described above, but we love it - and each other - even more, because we were ready and we knew what we wanted. So, for me, unless you are a particularly precocious or self-aware twentysomething, the thirties are a better bet for marriage.

LIAM PLOWMAN

Find Out If Your Body’s Normal

Men and women alike can look in the mirror and see something totally different than their best friend or spouse would see when looking at the same reflection. Both sexes find fault with themselves and wonder if they stand out as the only person around with something that’s too big or too small or too lopsided or crooked. While you’ll find statistic that say anything and everything about national averages, here’s what one survey tells us about what’s “normal” and why you may or may not want to be so normal after all.

Research shows that at least 80% of women over the age of 18 are unhappy with what they see when they look in the mirror. Meanwhile men report that they don’t really become dissatisfied with their appearance until the age of 45 – 55. The same research reports that 80% of women don’t even see an accurate reflection. Even those at a healthy weight and height see ugliness and fat. It’s no surprise that women focus mainly on their waist, hips and thighs, while men are mainly concerned with height, their stomachs, chests and hair loss. Even given those world-wide statistics, other surveys show that while most men and women would change something about their appearance if they could, 57% of women and 68% of men are generally satisfied with their shape and size.

Do you think these self-image issues have affected the standard sizes of men and woman over the years? You bet. The average woman’s bra size is 36C, that’s up from an average size of 34B less than 10 years ago. Guys, you’re coming in at “normal” if your chest size as an adult is 40 inches. While experts say that it’s healthier to keep your waist under 35 inches, ladies, the average woman’s waist size in inches around is 36.5. Guys, your average waist size in inches around is 34.

Here’s an interesting point to consider, doctors say that for almost all women a half-cup difference is nothing to be worried about and most women are lopsided. Huh! Even stranger, most men are too.

Even though we seek perfection in our appearance in so many areas, a large number of men and women say they love their scars. "They’re like the illustrations to my life story. I think they’re cool," said one girl. When asked, what are the oddest parts of your body and how do you feel about them, there was an amazing cornucopia of answers ranging from long toes to big noses, thick eyebrows, knocked knees, lopsided shoulders and hips, one eye larger than the other, thin lips, crocked teeth and just about everything else you could imagine. The encouraging thing was that 70% of those who answered said they were okay with their less-than-perfect feature. It even made some laugh to talk about it. That gives “normal” a new twist.

Caffeine use common in athletes

British athletes routinely use caffeine to boost their performance, say researchers.

A third of track and field athletes and 60% of cyclists reported taking caffeine before competing, a Liverpool John Moores University study found.

The drug was removed from the list of banned substances in 2004 but its use is still monitored.

The study's authors said it raised concerns that athletes were exploiting caffeine to gain an advantage.

In recent years there have been widely publicised fears about increasing doping in sport and Beijing officials are planning on doing 25% more drug tests than were done in Athens.

There is a question about whether or not sporting authorities are condoning its use Dr Neil Chester

Study leader Dr Neil Chester said the World Anti-Doping Agency had not been clear about why caffeine had been removed from the list but he understood it was because it was too hard to distinguish between normal social use and abuse of the drug.

A total of 480 athletes were questioned for the study, through athletics or cycling clubs and at sporting events.

They reported using caffeine in the form of energy drinks, sports supplements, pills and coffee, the International Journal of Sports Medicine reported.

Elite athletes were more likely to use caffeine to improve their performance than those who took part in sport recreationally.

Boost

Dr Chester said caffeine had been shown to be beneficial for endurance events and would also increase the alertness of athletes.

He added that the fairly recent introduction of caffeine to energy and sports drinks had increased the opportunity for athletes to consume the drug in high doses.

"There's been a lack of communication from WADA and there is a question about whether or not sporting authorities are condoning its use," he said.

"Ultimately there is a need to clarify the use of caffeine within the present anti-doping legislation."

Mark Stuart, who was a pharmacist for the Sydney Olympics and who has just written an editorial on the topic for BMJ Clinical Evidence, said there was an "obvious difference" between the view of the authorities and that of the athletes on the benefits of caffeine.

"There still seems to be some scope for athletes to exploit commonly available dietary supplements, such as caffeine, with minimal consequence."

Dr Samantha Stear, national nutrition lead at the English Institute of Sport, said there had been a lot of confusion among athletes about caffeine use which had been restricted but then moved to the monitoring list because caffeine was present in so many foods.

"Some find it beneficial and some don't, it's very dependent on the individual.

"We try and work with the minimal amount that's needed for the athlete."

A spokesman for the World Anti-Doping Agency said research suggested that caffeine actually damaged performance when used in significant quantity.

In addition, as caffeine was metabolised at different rates by different people, there was a danger that athletes could face sanctions simply for social consumption.